It has been a long while since I last updated, I know. I had been formulating how “poor me” was going to express my withdrawal. How I was going to relay my frustration and pain of wanting New Things. How every single day I ached to buy New Stuff. I’m ashamed to admit this; I pride myself in living simply and within my means and without care toward things. Yet. I was noticing how boring and mundane every day was and how I wanted to shop to entertain myself. I was noticing how I wanted Something New to get excited about. I was noticing how I was actually stretching a part of me that did not get a lot of exercise; a part of my heart that, although I hate to admit it, revels in Newness. While I believe this true for the human spirit (in general), I was noticing dark recesses of myself. Feeling actual discomfort over loss of…what? Shopping? Habit? New stuff?
While all of this was happening, I remember falling asleep on the couch, in front of the t.v. When I awoke, the Japan earthquake had JUST hit and there were only images of devastation and loss. In my fog I went up to my bed, anxiety ridden for a part of the world in upheaval. I was conscious of my simple walk upstairs while Japanese citizens were reeling in Something New. Sleep did not come easy. The next morning, I mourned with the world as I learned more about the earthquake and tsunami and their destruction. I listened to stories left open to loss, uncertainty, grief. I thought about those I know who live in Japan, those moving there, those I don’t know still sharing humanity with me.
While I have so much more I could say, it’s simple, no? In one fell swoop, my very real, but very small pain was diminished. I was re-calibrated by damage. I got over myself. Finally, Something New.